…of not posting. Sorry folks. We are still going strong. Be back soon!
As responsible swingers Blink and I get tested for STI’s (Sexually Transmitted Infections) approximately every 6 months. Since this is a regular piece of our lives now we thought that we’d make a public service announcement to other swingers as a reminder. And to those of you who are thinking about swinging, please keep in mind that testing is not only a health conscious decision for you, but also for those that you play with.
Having recreational sex means that we are willingly taking a risk with our health, but it’s no more of a risk than getting in the car every day and driving down the road. The precautionary measures that we take when driving are to make sure that we aren’t over tired, aren’t drunk, know the rules of the road, and drive as defensively as possible. As swingers we need to make sure that we are having sex the safest way possible. Having the guys wear condoms at all times is a big first step. Wearing a dental dam is another method of protection. Not one that I care to use, and to this day haven’t seen one used, but they are available for people that have a concern.
Getting tested often enables you to be able to treat infections early if they are contracted, and helps you to ensure that you are not arbitrarily out there infecting others. The tests are simple and the appointments are short. Take the time and get tested. Believe me, it will ease your mind.
For a comprehensive list of STI’s to test for please click HERE.
I had a playmate asked me this in advance once and it got me to thinking about what I really do like. It isn’t so much that I hadn’t thought about it before, but I certainly hadn’t put it in those words. Over the first few months of swinging different situations happened that helped to mold what Blink and I like and don’t like about playtime with others. What’s the difference making love and fucking? It’s the difference between a hard/fast and soft/slow or sensual playtime. I prefer the slow/sensual love making, but do think that there is a time and place for hard fucking. What determines if I like to have sex (repeatedly) with a particular guy is whether or not he leans more towards one or the other. Those that rely on the hard/fast fucking for the majority of playtime may not get repeat action with me because it’s not fun and doesn’t get me wet.
Based on online profiles or things that people have said to me while we are out socializing with other swingers, I’ve come to realize that some couples believe that the soft and sensual should be reserved for their spouse only. I’ve come to realize that the number one thing a guy can do to even get me thinking about having sex with him is to show interest in me. Yep, that’s right! Good old fashioned flirting. And when a guy is sensual during playtime that also shows me that there is an interest – that I turn him on. I want to know that he sees me as more then a means to an orgasmic end.
One of the things that Blink enjoys about sex is finding out what buttons to push that make the one he’s with squirm in ecstasy. I love that! I love when the guy takes an interest in my pleasure, and to me, that’s what is fun about sex. I love to touch, feel, hold, kiss, and find out what makes my sex partner rocket to the moon and stars beyond.
If you are someone that simply enjoys that hard and fast fucking every time you have sex, I’d love to hear why that’s an attraction for you. And there is no judgement here. Everyone likes what they like – that’s what makes us all unique in our own way. If we were all the same, what a boring world this would be 🙂
Traditionally, resolutions are hated by most and given up on before the month of January is even over. For the most part, I hadn’t even really thought of resolutions until a few days before 2012 official ended because it has been such a great year! How could the following year be better?
My typical resolutions have amounted to goals that were almost, and in many cases, unreachable. Which, in turn, caused me to start and end the year with disappointment not having accomplished the goals that I set for myself. My swinger resolutions will be different. I have read a few resolution lists from fellow bloggers to try and get an idea of how I can improve upon the greatness of this last year, and after some discussion with Blink, I have decided to focus on improving communication with Blink and with others that I meet in the lifestyle. If you’ve read our Nitty Gritty post, you’ll see that communication was the main theme of how we got through this last year. Communication has always been a problem in our relationship for one reason or another, but this last year we’ve worked on it more than ever – we’ve had to because we spend way more time together than we ever had in the past.
Because I like manageable lists below is my list of five resolutions for 2013:
- Increase communication with Blink and friends.
- Have more sex than I did in 2012, which should be easy since we started swinging half way through the year.
almostnaked on my birthday (sub goal to this is lose 40 pounds by October).
- Meet more black couples in the lifestyle (Not prejudice, but have found that I love to fuck black guys!).
- Finally experience a DP!
What do you think? Doable? If you blog and have come up with some swinger resolutions I’d love to read them. Please leave a comment with your blog link.
We decided that we wanted to blog about some the things that we’ve learned over the past 8 months in the lifestyle. From the beginning I felt that swingers keep their dirty trash to themselves and many times we felt like the emotions that we were experiencing were unique to us. People have revealed that they go through a lot of the same discussions that we do and are dealing with a lot of the same issues, but I still don’t know to what degree this happens, if at all in the case of some relationships.
Thankfully, Blink has been determined to talk through every detail of his emotions. Nothing is left uncovered in our relationship. So much so sometimes that it’s hard for me to deal with the emotions that he is feeling. I truly believe that, because I was the one to introduce us to the lifestyle, my mind was more open to the experiences that we would have in the lifestyle. I was already mentally prepared. Blink, on the other hand, has had to play catch up and it has taken him a lot longer to process my desires then I expected. Many times this has caused frustration on my part. I’ve made assumptions that led to actions that were not cool. In one instance I assumed that because he was in a room playing with a couple whom we’ve played with before that he would be okay with me giving someone a blow job. Problem? I didn’t make sure that it was okay with him or the guys wife before taking action. I’ve learned that even though one spouse is willing the other may hold a different opinion. It is my responsibility to make sure that everyone is okay with the action, not just the person that I’m having fun with.
I find that I wanted to move a lot quicker through experiences than he did. I think a large part of that was because I had just left the church that I’d attended for 20 years and felt like doomsday would come before I would get the chance to experience anything. I’ve calmed down since then and am more patient, I think. “Why you so fast?” Blink would say. I was ready for a threesome with a single guy way before he was. He couldn’t fathom why I would want to have a playdate with anyone other than a married couple. I definitely made his head spin and he’ll have something to say about the repercussions my actions had on his psyche.
I wonder how often other couples have these major life-changing discussions? We seem to have them weekly. When there’s a lot going on we have these discussions almost every day, it seems. They are discussions that have brought us to the brink of quitting the lifestyle at least four times in eight months. There have been many, many tears on both our parts. Often times yelling was involved. Every time, however, we’ve come to the conclusion that we are in this for the long haul. We benefit from being in the lifestyle so much – the good outweighs the bad. We are closer then we’ve ever been in the 18 years that we’ve been married. We talk constantly and we are able to participate in an activity together. The people that we’ve met are real and dealing with (or have dealt with) many of the same issues that we have. Honestly, at this point, it’s hard for me to see my life without the lifestyle being a part of it because it is just that – a lifestyle.
Blink here and Mercy was NOT kidding. She has put me through the ringer! Prior to us entering the lifestyle, I kept my emotions to myself. I rarely reacted though I definitely felt things about Mercy’s behavior. Since we moved into the lifestyle, I have decided not to hold back in discussing my emotions and observations. It turns out that I have a lot of emotions and a lot of observations.
No amount of research could prepare you for what happens in the lifestyle and your reaction to it. No amount. I became enmeshed and immersed in goings on that break taboos, norms, and mores constantly. There is always something new and I can’t catch up. I’ve tried to make sense of it and I have spent a lot of time shaken up. No joke. So, I’ve had to just disconnect the part of me that searches for societal meaning and purpose in this lifestyle. Instead, I’ve taken on a child-like view of a lot this; I look at it with the wonder of a child but the understanding and comprehension of an adult, if that makes sense.
With that said, watching your wife – who was nearly puritanical – have sex with one or more men while you – who was secular – have sex with one or more women, has been an incredible baptism by fire resulting in astronomical personal change. But, it’s not just the act of seeing that. It’s what leads up to that act. The conversations, fears, boldness, resignation and determination and a gamut of other emotions that result in that act.I’m not the same man I was a year ago. I don’t look at men or women the same way. I’ve become more grounded, less judgmental, happier, kinder, more loving, wiser, and the list goes on. I don’t give credit to having sex with others being the reason for the change, rather I give credit to the fact that the lifestyle forces you to change and communicate in order to survive and thrive in it.
The truest words said to me in the last eight months were “the lifestyle is what you make of it.” It really is. No matter how fast or slow you move into it, you really have to shape it for your needs and desires. Otherwise, it will break you.