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Communication – What Type of Swingers Are You?

May 3, 2012


As I did my research several weeks ago on what constituted a swinger’s lifestyle I came across several websites that helped me to make the decision that I wanted to talk to my husband about my fantasies of becoming a swinger. Before I get too far into this post, though, I wanted to provide you with a resource that you might find helpful when you are perusing the other swinger blogs and forums out in inter-space.

Swinger Dictionary

Actual Swingers

Please take a look at those sites because they are very helpful if you are wondering more about the practicalities of swingerhood and if you are trying to make that decision whether or not you want to swing. When speaking with my husband about swinging the Actual Swingers site came in very handy because it answers a lot of questions.

So, one of the things that is very important to discuss with your husband is what type of swingers you will be.  I think that many couples will start of one type of swinger only to evolve into a different type of swinger later on down the line.  It is completely fine to change your mind as you both grow in your experience as swingers. What is important is that you both discuss what those boundaries will be before you ever get into the bedroom with another couple. There are really just two types of swingers:

Soft Swap

  • With this type of swapping you may perform oral sex on the other couple, but no intercourse takes place.

Full Swap

  • Full swap means that you fully spouse swap with the other partner for intercourse and all of the above.

Many couples start off with the soft swap because they are not sure that they are ready to share their mate. Some couples jump in and begin full swapping right away. It all depends on the comfort level that is discussed and decided between you two. I cannot tell you how important it is for you to discuss your boundaries way in advance and stick to those boundaries. If you get the feeling that you might want to try something different, don’t decide mid-stream while in the act with another couple.  Wait until you have the chance to talk to your spouse about it when it’s just you two together. If one of you is not okay with moving in a different direction then you should wait until the other spouse is ready and willing. You BOTH must come to a consensus on what your boundaries are.

Hubs and I originally decided that we would soft swap, especially since we are beginners. As we got closer and closer to our first encounter we talked about it again and I was feeling like I wanted full swap. I wanted to be able to fully experience sexual intercourse with someone else.  I also figured that after the first time, if there was no jealousy on either of our parts, then full swap is where we would remain. Lucky for both of us that first experience went beautifully and we were both amazed at the lack of jealousy that we each did NOT feel. We were both just excited about what a turn on it was to watch our partner fucking someone else. Not every couple can make this decision, but what helped us was discussing and coming to a mutual decision of what our boundaries were before we ever had our first swinging experience.

Other elements to take into consideration are whether or not the wife is ready for girl/girl play. For me, this was a huge step. I do not consider myself bi-sexual by any means and to this day do not get the thrill being with a woman that I do being with a man. Girl/girl play is something that I knew my husband fantasized about, so I wanted to make this happen for him. Some women can’t go there and I completely understand. Again, this is something that must be decided before you get in the room with another couple to play. The same for the husband – is he or is he not open to bi-male play? Most men aren’t, but it still must be discussed and decided upon.

For those experienced players, when did you both discuss your boundaries and what types of swingers you wanted to be? Months before your first encounter? A week before? Days before?


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