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Observance – Race and Swinging

May 9, 2012

Jungle Fever

Jungle Fever (1991). 40 Acres & A Mule. Universal Pictures

“Open minded couple seeking FWB. Race is not important to us, we just have to click. African-Americans please move on.”

~Actual post in a profile on a swingers website

“Sorry, my wife is not into black guys, but if brown-sugar causes cavities, I’ve made my dentist rich! LOL”

~Reply to me after I expressed interest in meeting him and his wife

Swinging is a very interesting lifestyle. It’s a lot like vanilla dating with the added bonus that if things don’t work out in a date, you are likely to still get some. Like vanilla dating, people set preferences, have rules and what not. There’s not a problem with that. I feel I must address something that weighs heavy on me sometimes in my encounters with swingers. The two quotes above were from couples who’s profiles looked like a lot of fun. Neither were VGL (that’s Very Good Looking) but they were personable and it looked like we could click. Of course, nothing will happen now, the two statements above are show-stoppers in my relationship with these couples; we won’t be pursuing them for any type of relationship. But it got me to think about why this bugged me so much.

I grew up and spent a large portion of my adult life in religious circles. “Deviant” activities such as BDSM, Swinging, Lesbianism, Porn-watching, etc. were forbidden and condemned. If we met someone who was into that, we were required to show them the right way or run as far away from them as possible. I had expected the deviants to be pale, fat, perverted, ugly and unhappy. Now that I’m in the lifestyle, I’m finding the people are the most down-to-earth and serving people I know; way better than most Christians, in fact. Yet, because Swinging appears to be a condemned practice today, I expected a lot more solidarity. I didn’t expect race issues to be so prevalent. I’ve run into a substantial number of profiles clearly specifying that A-A’s need not apply. I move on, but it’s a shame. They really don’t know what they are missing. I’m good.

Real good.

Really good.

But, I digress. Their preference is just that, their preference. I would think that in a lifestyle which is predicated on being open to new experiences, some people wouldn’t be so closed to them. Did I mention I was good?

~Blink Spunk

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