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She Said/He Said – Swinger’s Algebra (Patriotic Party)

May 31, 2012

I mean really, WTF?!

He Said~

This post is titled Swingers Algebra because in Algebra, you try to solve for x. You look for ways to have the equation make sense and make it work. Last weekend, I had a real problem making x work.

The problem I had was as follows:  We’ve only played with Primocouple in a private setting. They have let on that a majority of their experiences have been in private settings. They don’t go to parties or go to clubs. When we invited them to a house party, I originally didn’t do so with the desire to play with them. I invited them to meet them in a public setting versus a bedroom. This led to a problem.

Mrs. Primocouple (Mrs. P) and I have been conversing all week via text. I received the OK from Mercy to text Mrs. P., and we’ve had some light flirting coupled with some deeper conversations as the week wore on. To say Mrs. P. is into me is an understatement. She has flirted with me to a pretty high degree. I like her as well. She is a very deep thinker which appeals to me.

Once we arrived at the party, it became instantly obvious Primocouple expected us to play at the party. As the night wore on, and we met other couples and exchanged numbers, I realized, sadly, that wasn’t going to happen. Mercy and I didn’t play, but I was tired and I knew my performance was not going to be good.
However, I still wanted Mrs. P, and Mr. P wanted Mercy, but with my fatigue I couldn’t do it. Plus, Mercy wasn’t connected to them in a similar way. I accepted that. What threw me for a loop was when Mercy comes up to me near the end of the party and says “Mr. P asked me to play and I said yes, but I don’t really want to.” So I manned up, walked over to Mr. P. and told him we couldn’t play tonight. That killed me. It went against everything I was thinking and feeling, but I felt a duty to protect my wife.

Side note: I love Mr. P. He’s a great man. Loves his wife and his kid. He’s opened up to me several times and we have a bond. We have become fast friends. I apologized to him later in the week.

What happened next, was awful for me. Mr. P. told Mrs. P. and Mrs. P. became miffed. Her and Mr. P. decided to play by themselves. However, there was another couple (J&M) that was talking with Primocouple all night. When the time came for Mr. P and Mrs. P to play, J&M followed them into the room and they played. Mercy and I spent some time mingling and talking to the remaining guests but my heart was really heavy. I broke away from Mercy and went to look in on Primocouple. They were playing away and having a good time which did nothing to assuage my guilt. I know that in social groups, reputation is everything, and I felt that was sullied with these two people. I gotta fix this.

Update: Problem be fixed, yo!

She Said ~

I am dealing with emotions that I didn’t anticipate. No, not the ugly head of jealousy. On the contrary, my husband has made some great connections with women and I enjoy seeing him enjoy those relationships. The problem is that I haven’t found those same connections in the husband half of the couples. We’ve only played with two couples thus far, and while I’ve had fun with Mr. & Mrs. Primocouple, I don’t feel that connection or desire for the friendship that my husband seems to easily have fostered out of our time together with them.

Through many discussions we’ve been struggling with the fact that blinkspunk has found a couple whom he connects with – both the husband and the wife – while I am still searching for that connection in a couple. He desires to spend more time with Mr. & Mrs. Primocouple while I want to keep searching for people that I connect with.

Last night we went to a great party given by a couple that we met at the Meet & Greet last Tuesday – D. & L. Very cute couple that I’d be willing to throw down with at any time, but it didn’t happen last night. Blinkspunk had invited Mr. & Mrs. Primocouple out to the party and right from the beginning I had issues with that. I like them. Do not get me wrong. They are fun to play with, but again, I don’t feel that connection on a friendship level with this couple. I don’t want them to get the impression that we are exclusive to them and them to us. I didn’t want to feel obligated to play with them since they came to the party at our invitation. I was also a little afraid that we’d have to babysit them during the party and not have the opportunity to meet and mingle with other couples. Thankfully, we did not babysit them because they hit it off with another couple in particular for the majority of the night, but also spent some time talking with other couples. Blinkspunk and I also spent time getting to know other couples and really had a great time.

The issue that I am still dealing with came up when Mr. Primocouple brought up the subject of going to one of the rooms to go play. Blinkspunk had already told them that Mrs. Primocouple had already expressed an interest for both her and her husband to play with us at the party. I just wasn’t feeling it. Not because I have an aversion to playing with them – I don’t. It’s because I desire the connection in a couple that I know that I don’t have with them. I was hoping that I would be able to play with someone else that night. If we played with them I knew that we would not be playing with anyone else. Especially since there was only about two hours of party time left. Blinkspunk was not standing next to me when the Mr. made the suggestion, and even though I told Blinkspunk that I didn’t want to play with them tonight I found myself saying ‘yes’ because I didn’t want to hurt the Mr.’s feelings! Ugh! I immediately hated myself for doing that and sought out Blinkspunk so that I could let him know what happened. To say that I felt like crap about the whole situation is putting it mild. I wanted Blinkspunk to be able to have fun with the Mrs., if that’s what he wanted, but I was not down for us all playing together.

The night wasn’t completely ruined. We still had a great time and after letting down Primocouple gently I had some great conversations with other couples that promises we will play with them the next time we should meet. I also won the costume contest! That was a positive, and I got a lot of great compliments on my outfit.

Even though we had a great time I’m still having issues with just feeling like I’m the one that suggested this lifestyle, but blinkspunk is the reaping the rewards that I desire. What is that? What are these emotions that I’m having. Blinkspunk says that I need to have patience with myself because we are in a whole new playing field and all of these situations are very new to us.  He’s right – I do need to have patience and that connection that I desire will come. I am anticipating when that desire will be fulfilled.


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