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The Four Loves to Get You Through This Life Style

June 8, 2012

Blink here. I’m a huge fan of C.S. Lewis. His most notable books are the Chronicles of Narnia series but he has written some extremely good commentaries on life and Christianity that I would encourage you to read. I read one of his books several years ago titled “The Four Loves.” In the book, Lewis ties the four Greek aspects of love (Agape, Eros, Philia, and Storge) into modern ideas of love and helps the reader understand them within the context of their own lives. Something, I think, that is necessary in the lives of swingers and those that are polyamorous.
In the Western world, we tend to lump a lot of things into the word love. We love our car or our house. We love our spouse, our friends, or our kids. We love ideas, concepts, and notions. Yet, can we really convey the depth in which we are attached to them? Not really. It’s generally understood in our society that we won’t love our dog as much as our spouse, but what is there for the swing set? How do we convey the attachments we feel in this life style and how do we describe the magnitude they are given? This post may not answer that in full, but if it can get you to at least dwell on it and think about it, then maybe you can further define these for yourself.
As I mentioned before, the Greek aspect of love has four facets (as opposed to Greek Love which can have as many facets as can fit on a bed or in a room( If you don’t know, now you know). They are: Agape, Eros, Philia or Phileo, and Storge. Let’s define them according to Wikipedia(Greek words for love, 2012, June 5):
Agape: The highest of the highest loves. It symbolizes a love born from duty, vow, or promise. It’s unconditional and unwavering. The religious took this to mean divine love but I think we see it with our spouses, our parents, and others who love us no matter what.
Eros: Eros is a sensual, though not always sexual, love. It’s a love of pleasure. Love that cake? That’s Eros. Love that TV show? Eros. Sport? Eros. Sex? Eros.

Philia or Phileo: Philia is brotherly love (hence why the  Phila-delphia is nicknamed “The City of Brotherly Love” – ed.) a general love that is dispassionate and reserved for loyalty to friends, family,co-workers (not mine 😉 ), etc.

Storge: Storge is literally affection. It’s the love that signifies a deeper relationship that one of just loyalty, duty, or sensuality.

I have in mind where we are in our swinging relationships, but I won’t mention it in this post so it won’t influence your application of these definitions. For me, there are applications of Logos, Pathos, and Ethos (Logic, Emotion, Ethics) that help to navigate what to do with all four of these areas. We are all in different places in this lifestyle so it would be unfair for me to unduly guide you in any of them.

I hope you liked this post as much as I liked writing it. As you can see, I probably think about this more than I should but it’s with the hope that it helps someone somewhere.

Greek words for love. (2012, June 5). In Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia. Retrieved 16:38, June 8, 2012, from
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